In may of 1999, my mother was graduating from college. Two days later my grandma called us all up for a family meeting. She told us that she had Lung Cancer. She was the main person who raised me besides my dad, because my mom was never really there. My grandma started Chemo, but she was only on it for one round before she ended it. She felt that it was not worth what it was putting her through. One day my dad, my brother, my sisters, and I were playing cards. Then my grandma came out t...

This weekend we had a big family discussion, and I found some news that I do not like very much. We will be moving for the third time since I have lived in this big city. I would not mind so much if it was to another city or another state, but it is back to my old house that is filled withthe smell of weed mixed with nasty animals and cigarette smoke. My mother is moving in with my sister and my father and I are moving back into the house. I do not mind so much who is living there, it is m...

Well, I have good news to those who have been praying so hard for me. Today is a break throgh day! One majorly good thing happened today. Jessica, the best friend, went into my sisters work and she said she wanted to talk to me. My sister told her to call me, and that to her knowledge I was on the fence about hating her. When I got home my sister told me what she said and asked if I would want Jessica to call me. I said sure, and that was the end of it. At about 7:15, about the time...

Well we all know the saying "To be or not to be, that is the question." But what does it mean to those who have seriously considered suicide? What does it mean to those who have attempted to take the easy way out of life? Well here is a little tidbit from someone who has thought about and who is still considering chickening out of this hell hole of a life, and facing the wrath of God. Though they know that the punishment from God may be worse then the pain of living out the rest of this life....

Why God has a vendeta against me, I really don't know. It is obvious that he does though because of the things that are going on in my life. First I got stuck with a psychotic family, and then my father sexually abused my best friend and best sister. Then today on Novemeber 30, 2005 my father is told that he may not have any contact with me or my niece, nephew, and my little sister until we are 18. We all knew that this was going to happen, but not like this. DCS came and ...

You left me six years ago today I miss you so very much Sometimes I drowned out your memory with music Sometimes I drowned my pillow with crocodile tears Sometimes I think that I see you standing there, or once in a while I hear you cough. I'm glad that you are not suffering I wish that the cancer would have taken you sooner, so that you did not hurt you so much. Remember when they made us all tell you it was ok for you to go? Well I lied It wasn't, please come back, My heart is r...

So, I left this site a long time ago, and I was not planing on writing again. But why should I put away my love of writing because noone ever comments back? Or because what they have to say is never what I want to hear? I have decided to say fuck it, this is my article, this is my life. So now it is time to dive.................. but where do I land? My sister and my father have some serious issues between them, and I hate them. They both pull me in the middle, and I just need a break, bu...

I have been trying to make myself perfect for a long time. As some may know, my father performed inappropriate things on some people that were near and dear to me. These people were everything that I loved. Both were my best friends, and I loved each of them differently but the same. Yet, they were in some way more perfect for him in a sick and twisted way. I always want to be what they were. Not that I envy that happened to them, but I envy that my father liked them better in a sick and twis...

I know that I promised for my next blog to be happier, but it is soooo hard for it to be happy! Everyone in my house asked me if I would move out, and move in with my dad. Which I do not want to move in with my dad, I am very uncomfortable when it is just me and him. But I guess that if it makes everyone else happy then it is the right thing to do? I dont know, I feel so betrayed. I told them that it was ok, and they said that they do not want me to feel bad or unwelcome, but it is sooo hard ...

I just looked back at almost all of my blogs, and they have all been depressing and poor me for a long time. I am looking for that turn on to happy lane, it is just hard to find with all the bad stuff in my life. I always look at the negative, I always have. I think it is time for a change. Everyone else has moved on to the next chapter in their lives, but I am still holding on to the old one. I am not ready to move on. But who can make time stand still? I have been given an offer to...

My older sister, August, went on a blind date today. Although me and her have not been getting along lately, we have still been telling each other things. She called the house and said, " Ginnie?" I said no and then she asked who had the baby. I told her that I did, and then she asked for our little sister Virginia. She told Virginia that she had a blind date, and that is cool, but less then fice minutes later when she walked in she just walked down to my little sister's room and talked to he...