Life F-ing Sucks!!!!!!!

Why God has a vendeta against me

Published on November 30, 2005 By Kaulani In Home & Family

Why God has a vendeta against me, I really don't know. It is obvious that he does though because of the things that are going on in my life. First I got stuck with a psychotic family, and then my father sexually abused my best friend and best sister. Then today on Novemeber 30, 2005 my father is told that he may not have any contact with me or my niece, nephew, and my little sister until we are 18. We all knew that this was going to happen, but not like this.
DCS came and spoke to me while I was in third period, so then I was all upset in fourth period and I have an econ test tomorrow that decides wether or not I pass the class. So here I am writing a blog and stressing out, not only over my current home situation, but over the fact that if I do not pass this test I do not pass the class. If I do not pass the class then I do not get to graduate in December, and then I can not save money to go to prom. The prom tickets at my prom are going to cost 90 dollars, so that means that I am going to have to work full time all next semseter in order to be able to go. But yet here I am yaking away on my blog site, and yet I feel like I am going to have a heart attack over the stress at my house.
My father was the only parent figure that I ever had in my life, and now I can not speak to him. I am permitted absolutley no communication with him, not even an I love you or I miss you through an adult. So now I have no father figure, and no mother figure, and it seems like no friends. Though I did talk to my friend that I have not talken to in the last three months. So mabye life is getting a little better, but she had to lie to her mother and she did not seem interested in listening to everything that was going on. So now I am going to go study for my test that I am going to fail anyway.
Aloha

Comments (Page 1)

Shovelheat

on Nov 30, 2005

Uh...you might think about changing your title and marking this as adult. But other than that, yeah life does suck at times....

new-age nomad

on Dec 04, 2005

Umm, what's the point of marking it adult if it says "fucking" in the title? and, uh, what kid is going to stop reading something because it says "adult"?

Trinitie

Kaulani

on Dec 05, 2005

I dont know Shovelheat told me to so I did. so get over it.
Aloha

new-age nomad

on Dec 07, 2005

I know, I was replying to shovel, not you, dork.

Trinitie

Kaulani

on Dec 08, 2005

You are such a bitch!

!
Aloha

doctordoctor

on Dec 08, 2005

It sucks that you can not speak with your father. Was it proven that he sexually abused your sister and your friend? Even so, that isn't right. He IS your father. You should at least be able to write to him and he should have the chance to explain himself. That does fucking suck, but I'm certain God does not have a vendeta against you. Consider how lucky you have been to not be abused!!! and also to have something done about it if your father in fact did do something wrong.

Anyway, good luck with getting the money together for Prom. I remember having to save up money for prom also and it sucked that it was so expensive. I mean, if you get a date- you should only have to pay for half of it, right? and maybe you can date some rich guy and his parents can pay for it, just joking.

Kaulani

on Dec 09, 2005

My father really did do that to my sister and best friend. I saw it happen to my sister, and I know that my best friend would not lie about something like that. I agree I should be able to talk to my father. I know that God does not have a vendeta against me, but it is just really frustrating. I agree I am lucky to have not been abused, and that I thank God for, but I wish it would have been me instead of my Best Friend because now she does not talk to me.
The Prom thing, I just think that I should not go. Me get a date THATS funnY!
ALoha

new-age nomad

on Dec 12, 2005

GIRL----YOU CAN GET A DATE!!!

Trinitie

Kaulani

on Dec 12, 2005

My ass! If I could get a date then how come I am still sitting at home on friday and saturday nights, and every other day of the week?
Aloha

new-age nomad

on Dec 14, 2005

Ummm, you're ass is pretty nice. I have picture of it hanging on my wall.

Trinitie

p.s. You think I'm lying?

Kaulani

on Dec 17, 2005

You are a creep!
Aloha

Gideon MacLeish

on Dec 17, 2005

As hard as it is to understand, your dad is a sexual predator. Statistically, there's very little chance of him ever being "cured" of that behaviour. Admitting what he has done is only the first step.

While he didn't touch you, the concern that the court has (and WILL have, quite naturally) is that your father is at an especially high risk to reoffend at this point. So he really SHOULD be kept away from any potential victims.

I don't know why you accuse God of having a vendetta against your family. Your father's actions were his and his alone; God didn't "make him do it" (nor, for that matter, did the devil). Life may look bad for you at this point, but it is because of the actions of certain individuals, not of God. I really hope things work out for the best for your family, and your anger is understandable, but placing blame doesn't fix things.

terpfan1980

on Dec 17, 2005

Dittos on just about everything Gideon has said above.

Though it may not seem fair to be cut off from your father, it's being done for your protection.

While you still need parental figures in your life, abusive ones are not the answer, even if they hadn't yet turned their abuse on you.

Perhaps if you had been a victim in that way it would be easier to understand, but then you'd have a host of other issues to question yourself and life on. For now put your thoughts into a diary or something similar and perhaps after you've passed that 18th birthday you can provide the materials to your father to help him follow the events that took place in your life.

Kaulani

on Dec 17, 2005

The only issue with this is the fact that my older sister and "best friend" had forgiven him. So why if they trusted to be around him then why did the state feel necessary to step in? I dont care any more I am just leaving because I am tired of my family leaving me out of everything.
Aloha

Kaulani

on Dec 19, 2005

One of my biggest issues is that he chose to touch my sister and my "best friend", which only proves all along that he likes them or loves them or what ever more than he did me. Dont get me wrong, I am glad that he did not touch me. That is what hurts me the most, because it breaks my heart to the extent that I dont feel loved. I feel that no one loves me, and I have tried to find solace in everything (including God) except for drugs. It really breaks my heart. I don't know what to do or what to think. I just want someone to love me. That is all I have ever wanted, and now I know that my father has just been laying around doing nothing, and he doesnt even have a will to live anymore. That breaks my heart more than anything because he was the closest thing to a parent that I ever had, and now he lays around like an old man with Alzheimers. I just wish that I could tell him that him laying around like that breaks my heart more than him doing someting. I just dont know, sometimes I just want to throw my self out of a window, sometimes I just feel like I am standing in the middle of a crowded room screaming at the top of my lung and no one hears me. I just don't know what to do.
Aloha

Welcome Guest! Please take the time to register with us.
There are many great features available to you once you register, including:

Richer content, access to many features that are disabled for guests like commenting on the forums.
Access to a great community, with a massive database of many, many areas of interest.
Access to contests & subscription offers like exclusive emails.
It's simple, and FREE!