Elaina, I don't understand. You told us that it did not matter to you whether or not you moved in with dad and that that decision was up to us. Mine and Jolene's biggest concern is mom. She is an extremely unhealthy relationship with dad, and he is just using her. We told you that we wanted to know how you really felt, and you lied. How are we supposed to be so welcoming, first of all when you aren't even unwelcome, and second of all when you are always lying about how you really feel about everything. I'm really mad at you right now, and I'm not going to lie. It's crap that you are going to go on here and make all of us look so horrible, because you know what, we have tried to do the best that we can when it comes to you. But big surprise that you are going to feel betrayed and crap because you always lie about how you really feel and just expect us to know how you really feel. Sorry, we are not mind readers. And if you feel so uncomfortable with dad when it is just you two, why do always go hang out with him when mom is at the house with us? I wish that you would stop with this pity party crap, because we all love you, and how can we do what you want when we don't know what it is? And you are not unwelcome at the house. We all like to hang out, and here's an example, when me, you, and Jolene go to the store, I'm the third wheel. You two hang out, and put your arms through each others and everything. So how about that?
August

August,
first of all was it not you who said that it would be better for all of us if I moved out? Was that not what you said? You know why I hang out with dad sooo much is because he thinks that all of you hate him because you guys rarely called him after he had his surgery. Why don't you guys not say things like it will be better for our relationship, it will be better for mom, it will bebetter for dad. If it is going to make all of you guys happier than how do you not expect me to go with it!!!!! Especially when you guys corner me in the apartment like that, all I wanted to do was to get up and drive away and never come back!!!!!!!! You cant act like I am pathetic for feeling like this, it is not like you have not done things that you did not want to because you thought that it would be better for the rest of us!
Aloha

It would be better for all of us, because we cannot make it through one day without fighting, and we are all always fighting with you. And you know what? You hung out with dad sooooooo much before he had his surgery, and I'm sorry but i'm not going to keep hanging out with him so much as before, because what about Ginnie? She gets her feelings hurt anytime we all go over there, because she cannot see him. I did say that the main reason for this move was for mom and dad, because I don't want mom living with such an ass hole anymore!!! Sorry that you didn't hear that, but once you get mad, you don't hear very much of anything except what you want to hear. And you know what? you have done things before when you knew it would not make us happy, so why would now be any different? And cornering you? How else are we supposed to talk to you , unless that dad is there, because otherwise you always freak out. But when dad is around, you don't freak out, and so that is the only time we can really talk to you. I never acted like you are pathetic for feeling like this, because i know that you cannot help how you feel, but i can get mad about it, because you won't ever tell me how you really feel. You always act like it is my fault that we are not close anymore, but maybe it is because that i am soooooooooooooooooooooo sick of you lying about how you really feel. Do you honestly think that you can have a close relationship if all the feelings that you voice are lies? And you know what, If you really think this is better for us, than why the pity party?
August

Do you guys think that you are not going to fight with mom alot too! You dont want living with such an ass hole, but what about me? I wasnt mad, I was just hurt that you guys did it at the apartment when I had no where to go!!! Tell me one thing that I have done that was not to make everyone else happy, because I can not think of one thing! I am sorry that I do not freak out in front of dad, I will make sure that I do that more often so that he sees all of me. Because he always sees all of you right!?!
You always act like it is my fault that we are not close anymore
Now you know how I feel, because you always act like the reason that we are not close is my fault. It feels real good when you are told that you are all wrong about something that is important in your life! When I do tell you guys how I feel you guys get mad at me, so either way you guys are mad at me. What the heck do you want me to do? Where did I say that I thought that it was better for us? I am sorry that I lie about sooo much, but it is not like you tell the truth all of the time! Why dont we have a day, or just a time where we rip your life apart. Because I am really tired of constantly being the bad guy, when you have been doing things wrong too!
Aloha

I am sorry to hear things have taken such a negative turn. I know I can't do much besides provide a listening ear and advice from my own experience, but you know I'm more than willing to help you with that. Feel free to drop me a line if you need to vent (email link is on my blog sidebar). Just remember it might take me a couple of days to respond.

Okay, rip my life apart Elaina. Go for it, if I can dish it, I can certainly handle it. You know what, though, i have not done one thing that should have made you think that our distance was your fault, because honestly I think it was a mutual lacking of time and concern.
"it is not like you tell the truth all of the time"
I try real hard not to lie, and for the most part, everyone knows how I feel and what I think a lot. I don't lie that much, and if I do, it is about stupid things like no you don't look fat in that.
"when you have been doing things wrong too"
What in the world have I done so wrong, please tell me so that I can try to fix it. I don't want us to fight, and I never said that you are constantly the bad guy. And about us always fighting, sometimes it is our fault, sometimes it is yours, so it's not like I am even totally blaming you. And about mom moving in, none of us have really fought with her for a while, and she is really trying hard, and I must say is succeeding, in changing her life. Granted, she hasn't totally changed, but she is doing a lot better than before.
Oh and by the way, you did have somewhere to go at the apartment, in fact, if i remember correctly, you left. Oh that's right.
"Because he always sees all of you right!?! "
And what the hell is this? He does see all of me, because, unlike you, I tell him how I feel about everything. I don't just sit around with him when I am angry at him and act like nothing is wrong. Oh that's right, that's you. You won't tell him how mad you are the Jessica is not your friend anymore. You won't tell him how mad you are that you couldn't see him for a while. You won't tell him how mad you are that things changed with Uncle Ed because of all the shit that he did. But I did, and still do. I don't care what anyone thinks of me, and especially not me, because he definitely has no right to judge me, and niether does anyone else. The only one who can judge anything is God, and all we can do is let people know how we really feel about all of everything that they do. And right now, I am mad at you. I don't understand why you can say all of this online but not to my face. Whenever I try to discuss this stuff with you, you just clam up and get quiet, and nothing can be solved that way. I love you, and I want things to be okay, but I don't know where to go from here.
Augie

August neither do I, and I really want things to work. But unlike you guys I cant just tell him how I feel, and I wish I could but I just cant. THat is not the kind of person that I am, and I really hate that. Please forgive me for that. If I knew why I just clamed up then I would fix it, but I do not, and I dont understand why I can say it all online either. But that is just the way that I work, it is easier to say it on paper or online than to someone's face.
Aloha

Thank you Gideon, you are an amazing guy and mabye one day we can meet in person. I really love that you are so caring. You are definitly one in a million. Thanks!
Aloha

"Do you guys think that you are not going to fight with mom alot too! You dont want living with such an ass hole, but what about me?"
OKay, Dad is an ass, but not to you. Just to mom, and that is an unhealthy situation for her. She doesn't deserve half the crap that he gives her. And by the way, you never did start ripping my life apart. So whenever you are ready, let's go for it. I think that you are being selfish with this bad attitude. If you thought this move was such a bad idea, you should have said something, but because you never did, it is crap that you keep going on about it.
augie

Lainy,

I'm so so sorry, Love.  You can still come down, you just won't have anywhere to stay.  lol

Go swimming, sit in the sun, listen to music (for God's sake, even country), paint, write, love, laugh, sing in the shower.

Be happy.  Contrary to popular opinion, it's not that difficult.

I love you so, Laina.  My heart goes out to you, and I wish your family understood you more than they are conveying on here.

I do.

Trinitie

Thans Trin, I really love what you said, and I am going to start living happier because I do not give a fuck anymore about anything. I cant do anything about the way things are going, and I see how it is now that i am gone. I will try to call you soon, because we need to talk. I love you for being so understanding!
Aloha

August, I dont care anymore, because there is nothing we can say that is going to go back in time and change any of this. And I am not going to rip your life apart because I know that it feels like shit when you are told that the majoruty of what you have done is wrong, and how much it has hurt everyone in your life! But when you are ready to talk in person/ on the phone you know where I live, and I am ready.
Aloha

Honestly, I don't think that you ripping my life apart could really feel that much like shit to me, because honestly, I don't care what you think. And honestly, if you told me...or anyone else for that matter that the majority of what I have done is wrong, I wouldn't care, because I made the best decisions I could at the time they were made, and I always chose what I thought was the best choice to choose, so...honestly, I don't care if someone thinks I made the wrong decisions...I am who I am because of where I came from, the decisions I made, and I wouldn't change any of it...for me. I would change the way things affected you and Virginia, if I could, and how things affected J.D. and Jolene and mom...Probably the list could go on, but it would be pointless. I could say that I don't regret anything in my past, and that is true, for me, but for you and everyone else who got hurt, I would change things, and I guess that means that I do regret it. I'm sorry for how much you had to go throught, and I am sorry that you felt like you were alone, but the truth is, Elaina, is that you had a huge family surrounding you, and you couldn't open up to us. I'm sorry for that too, because I honestly think that we missed out on huge sister-bonding, and I regret that. I'm sorry that I couldn't be who needed for me to be. I'm sorry that I couldn't be so openly there for you, but the truth is that if you ever needed anything...or ever need anything...all you have to do is let me know, and if I am not in the middle of another crisis, I'll be there, dropping anything and everything if it's possible. I only want you to know that I may not agree with everything that you do, or everything that happens, but you will always have my support, becuase I love you and you are my sister, my family. I don't want to lose you...and we will have our fallings-out, but as long as I live, I will love you, and you will have my support, in anything.
Augie <

oh...and by the way....i never said that i understand you....rather....i don't understand you, and that seems to be the biggest problem. i know that you and i already talked about that, but i thought some of your readers might like to know that. love ya!
augie <