I have been doing some deep thinking since the last blog that I wrote, and I have figured out why I do not believe in love. I have been hurt many times in my life. Especially by people I love. I have not only been emotionaly hurt, but also physically and mentally. I am afraid that if I believe in love than I would have to allow people in my heart, and everytime I do that I end up hurt.
When I was in the sixth grade, my grandmother passed away and she was the one person in the world that I thought would be there forever. She was always there, she understood me on a level that I can not even describe to anyone. I loved her with all of my heart. She raised me, she was there on the days that I was sick, my mom was to busy sleeping or going to school or playing video games. Ever since she died I have been afraid to let anyone in.
Every time I let someone in I always end up getting hurt. My family is always either ignoring me, or blaming everything on me. When I let people who I think could possibly be friends in, they always treat me like crap or they move or stop talking to me. I guess that what I am trying to say is that I have made it hard for people to get into my heart, and when I do let them in I make sure before hand that they are people who will not be mean to me. Even sometimes, I still get hurt.