Reply By: Anonymous(Anonymous User)
Posted: Thursday, January 19, 2006
I want to let you know something. Everyone on here has made a lot of sense that I think you should listen to, yet you are not. You say you want to tell your father how your heart is breaking.. well do it! Life is not always right or wrong, sometimes it just is. As for your fight with the whole "no one loves you" issue, that is totally bogus. You know that as well as many of the others on this blog do. Your sister, your favorite sister, loves you very much and is trying her darnedest to help you by being there for you. She lets you yell and scream and be upset. Something not a lot of people will allow. And you have another sister who you will not allow to be part of your life, which is entirely wrong. And you have a brother who admittedly doesn't care for your behavior right now, but he still loves you. These are a few of the people in your life who love you and are there for you. You just have to talk to them. And I know Trinitie loves you too. (In her own weird special way) God is there for you but I don't think you really know who he is. If you want to know him and understand why things happen, then you need to go to him. Worship him and Worship with him. Live with him in your heart. I know you think your life sucks, but you also know there are people out there who are a lot worse off. One thing I can tell you I am sick and tired of hearing is the fact that you say you want to kill yourself. That is no way out of lifes problems. That is a selfish comment. It is only one more way for you to try to draw attention to yourself. (And yes right now I am the one who is guilty of giving you attention but I have been watching your blog for weeks now and it always the same) Saying you are going to kill yourself is the most hateful thing you can say. It only hurts the one who do love you. The ones you say don't love you. And it is not what God teaches you either. Get over your "poor me" attitude, get on with life. Maybe if you would be less of a witch, you would not drive your friends and family away. And you are part of the reason your best friend will not talk to you anymore for the fact of all the hateful messages you sent her and all the hateful letters you wrote her and all the hateful words you have said to her. Well this has gotten long and I know I have a million more things to say to you that you do not want to hear, just like everything else on here. And I expect you to get angry and I expect you to get over it. So MOVE ON! Love what you have been given.
Sincerely,
Anonymous
I have listened to this advice more than you know. You are not in my head, you do not know what I think. I know I should tell my father how my heart is broken, but it is alot easier said than done. As you will know, since you seem to know so much about my life, he is the only parent that I ever had. Tell me, how do I just walk up to him and tell him, "You ruined my life! You ruined my friendship! You ruined my Senior Year!" But then you would say that I am being selfish about that! Yeah, sometimes life is just life, but isnt that always?
I know that people love me, but they sure as hell show it funny. All my "favorite sister" has been doing, is trying to make buddy-buddy with my little sister and soster-in-law. Which I have no problem with, but when I try to talk, I feel like no one listens. I will allow my other sister in my life, I just don't know how. I don't know what she likes or anything, and I dont know how to talk to her. I do not want her to suffer from being friends with someone who is as terrible as me!
My brother has never really cared for me, yeah he loves me. But just like my mom, he was not there for us until all of this shit with my father came out.
If I am acting wrong towards my family someome tell me! I don't think that I have been acting different lately, but if I have someone needs to let me know.
Yes I do know God! I think that you have no right to judge my christianity or take a stab at it for that matter! Jesus said, "Do not remove the log from your brother's eye until you have removed the sliver from your own." He also said, "Let the man who is without sin cast the first stone." I have gone to Him, and I have worshipped Him and with Him. But reading about things that happened 2,000 years ago isn't much of a helper to me. I talk to Him, but I never hear anything back, even when I read his word. Of course I know that there are people who are worse off than me, who doesn't?
If I feel that taking the "easy way out" or the "selfish way out" is best, then it is my decision. You may feel like it is a selfish comment, but I do not. Besides that, the way that you are talking makes it seem like I am making my families lives so miserable, that they would be better without me anyway. If I honestly wanted more attention I would ask for it. Mabye did you think, "Oh, she just needs time alone!" or "Hey, mabye she just needs a shoulder to cry on!"
Why is it so hateful? Because of the pain it would inflict on my loved ones? Well, why do you think I have never done it! I know it is not what God teaches, God says, "Those who take their own lives prematurly shall burn in the hottest, deepest, pits of Hell for all eternity!", or something to that extent. I will get over my "poor me" attitude, the minute that I can. You must undertand that when I do something I do it with all of me, I poor my heart and soul into it. Which is why I get hurt so easily, and why I stick to something so long.
I am sorry that I have been such a bitch! But mabye my family and friends should look inside themselves and see what kind of people they have been to me. Like just randomly bitting my head off when I have done nothing ot them! Yes, I have already admitted several times, anonymous, that I was probably the biggest fuck-up in my relationship with my best friend! But thank you for reopening that flood gate. Mabye you should have read the blogs that you have been monitoring better, because I said it several times.
Everyone is going to see the new and improved Elaina Marie Beverwyk! The weak child Lannie, that was swallowed up by the big city, is gone. I now refuse to allow anyone to walk all over me and hurt my feelings. I am going to get what I want, no matter who I hurt along the way!
That is what you wanted right anonymous? Or do you want me to just shut off all of the emotions that I have, so that I don't feel anything and neither does anyone around me?